All couples argue. Successful couples repair.

This past year has tested you and your partner in so many ways. You’ve both been juggling your work and family responsibilities amid the ongoing stress and uncertainty of the pandemic.

If you’ve drifted apart, or you’re often arguing or hurting each other, how can you repair your relationship?  

Relationship expert, John Gottman, says: “All couples argue. Successful couples repair.” 

Maybe the spirit of the Elul month of reflection can offer you an opportunity for repair.  

Consider these conversation openers as ways to share emotions and begin to repair distance or tension:   

🔹Express  your feelings during the incident – e.g. “I felt unloved and uncared for.”

🔹 Share a trigger from your past – e.g. “It reminded me of when I felt unseen by my parents when I was growing up.”

🔹 Take responsibility and apologize – e.g. “I’m sorry for lashing out at you. I overreacted.”

🔹 Focus on what you can do differently in the future  – e.g. “Let’s set aside time each week to talk about what’s going on in our lives.”

The more you practice processing and repairing mistakes, the easier and more natural it becomes. You’ll learn that you can use these difficult incidents – which occur in every relationship – as an opportunity to draw closer to each other and strengthen your connection.